I love my kids, but I need SPACE

Updated: Nov 25, 2020

There I was, sitting on the toilet with one child at the door staring at me and one sitting my lap. All Freya wants, is to go outside to play and all I want is a wee, just a little one! At this point she is screaming her demands - But, who cares what I want eh? Do they even know I am a human being?

So there I am playing outside, doing what I can with a 3 year olds knetic sand and my youngest is taking a massive crap in her nappy on my lap. I mean this is not made up - this is real life people.

Nappy changed and we are onto MORE snacks, I mean does it ever end with the eating? I sometimes am shocked at how much my children eat. Freya would let me know (and all the neighbours) that she is STARVING even though she had only eaten a few moments previous.

My house at the moment, is very loud and demanding, sometimes it feels like there is no escape. Being mum, I am always feeding, comforting, wiping (asses), cuddling and so on. Its constant. I love it, I do but what about me? I literally leave the room to put some old play doh that I found behind the sofa in the bin and they both begin to cry as if I am going to run out the door and never return - I mean, I have never even thought of doing that!

The days are long. Freya always sings (which I always praise) but it is LOUD! So so very loud. She also has a constant need for someone to play with her. I do my bit, I pretend to be a baby, an alien, a princess, a pirate but it is never enough! NEVER EVER ENOUGH. When Roisin is not in my arms for most of the day breaking my back, she is crying for me. She wants to explore in places that are high or dangerous so leaving her alone for 5 seconds is just not possible. I know that these are phases, ones that I am supposed to cherish and I am but I have my moments and I am aware things move on so quickly but I just want a 20 minute shower, I want to shave my legs in peace or just do nothing – Oh how I want to do nothing just for a little while.

Do not get me wrong, my husband does step in but unless he leaves the house with the kids there is no quietness for me. Just as the water from the shower hits my face I can hear Freya calling me from the bottom if the stairs while hanging out of the baby gate- Its the only thing keeping her away from me! As I get half a leg moisturised. (that’s usually how far I get before I give in) I give in because I love them and don’t we all?

Mums are soft. I know we are the heart of the house (and we really are) we set the rules, we do the telling off, we can even set the mood, but we are soft. We give in. I love being a mum, I am proud to be a mum of two fantastic little girls. I want them to be happy, to thrive but none of that is possible if I am unable to care for myself.

My day never ends because I am the bedtime whisperer in our house. So if there is a call in the night (or early evening!!) its me that does it. I am also going to mention how mums are lullaby queens, I can sing every song, even making words up as I go in perfect rhyme!

However, It is a round the clock parenting. I am not asking for praise or an award. I am aware we all go through it. I am pointing out the fact that its not all about the children eating their veg, or going to bed, or behaving, or sharing (the list goes on!) its about Mum too.

Mum, just remember, you matter. Take that time. Love your kids to infinity but love yourself too!

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