Updated: Feb 19, 2020
*This is possibly a trigger story for some people who like me, have suffered PTSD *
Welcome to my first blog .
There is so much I have to say but best to start with how my journey began as a mum. Myself and Bradley were overjoyed to find out I was pregnant on a sunny day in Feb 2016. I was due in Nov and had already started planning a new place to live and what we would buy for our new arrival. This is where our minds were focused. We went to our Midwife appointments and did everything ‘by the book’. Sure why wouldn’t we?
I knew what I was doing, I had seen One Born Every Minute. I heard stories that matched up to what I had seen on TV so why focus on the birth? I mean, what first time mum would focus on the birth? We would not know what to fully expect so.. just do as you are told right?
Oh how wrong I was but I had no clue!
My waters broke at 2 am on the 27th Nov. Bradley called the hospital and they told us to come in. We arrived and were brought into a small room where my towel was checked. The midwife did not seem concerned, I was not having any pain so I was sent home and told to come back in 24 hours later.
As soon as I got home what I thought were contractions began. Looking back now they were so light and timing was completely off but we were timing everything and checking EVERYTHING!!!!
So, 2am the following morning we headed back into the hospital. We buzzed in and walked up to the desk. The lady who greeted us made a remark that she was not expecting us and checked if we should even be there?? Straight away that made me anxious and feel out of place. We were then taken down to a bed on a ward were everyone was sleeping. So we had to be quiet. We waited there for about an hour before someone came and spoke to us. They told us to wait until the morning to see if there was any progress. My ‘contractions’ had pretty much slowed down at this point!
The next morning a midwife came in to see me, did the usual tests and spoke about giving me a pessary (a dissolvable tablet that is put into your cervix) to move things along. However, before she did this she examined me and that to be honest was pain I was not expecting! She then inserted the tablet while telling me that things should move along quickly and she has never in her whole career had a patient that did not go into labour. No pressure! Bare in mind, I was still on a ward with other new mums and expecting mums.
So, not surprisingly at all.. nothing progressed. They left me for four hours. I didn’t eat or drink much in this time as I did not realise that it was necessary!!! A doctor came over to me and spoke to me as if I was a colleague using language and words I did not understand. All I got from that conversation was that I could not have a water birth which I always thought I was going to have!!! I was very upset.
The next stage was the drip of Oxytocin. They call this the ‘love hormone’. Its a hormone that is usually natural that your body creates to go into labour but wont naturally progress is if you are anxious or scared – Duh !!
Things started to move…..
Bare in mind it is now Wednesday and I went in during the early hours of Monday morning! Still on the ward my contractions were getting intense. I was pacing around the bed, on and off the ball, over the chair, asked for a bath… and I was shouting at everyone! Poor Brad, He didn’t know what to do. I begged him at one point to help me. He was lost!
I asked for some gas and air but when it arrived the tank was empty so I had to wait for a new one. They examined me again and said I was only 3cm!!
Then a couple of hours later (still on the ward), I had the urge to push. I shouted for the midwife. She told me not to. She said if I do it could hurt the baby but the urge was unbearable. At this stage, I has asked for a epidural.
I was exhausted, hungry, thirsty, anxious, overwhelmed and in pain. I should also mention that Freya was back to back – So this did not help.
Then around 11.45 pm a wheelchair came for me and I was taken to a delivery room. There was a midwife, anaesthetist, doctor and trainee midwife all waiting. After receiving the epidural I was put on my back, legs up and told I was 10cm and ready to push. So I did and NOTHING! My contractions had slowed right down.. now nearly five minuets apart. (There is a very valid reason for this , which I will explain in a later post)
They were shouting at me to push and I was but of course could not feel a thing and I had a group of people staring at my …. ummmmm… well ya know! At around 4.15am they made a call to help Freya ‘over the hill’ as they said by using a vacuum or kiwi cap as it is called in some places and there she was at 4.25am screaming just like I was.
She was taken away to be check and as as soon as she was handed to me I vomited all over the midwives and equipment (missing her of course!) Before I knew it there was only myself, Brad and Freya left in the room!!
It was magical when I held her, it really was. However, shock is also a good word to describe this moment. I mean I was expecting to have a baby at the end of it right? but I was feeling completely empty and not myself.
I went back to the ward, Brad went home for some sleep. I woke up at 8 am to someone wanting blood from me which made me feel very faint as I had just given birth !!! and I had not eaten in over a day at least!
It did not have to be this way. I still believe it was magical as had my baby but I really did not have to go through all of that, I know now that it was avoidable!
I would also just like to mention that the doctors and midwives were amazing. They were doing their job. The took care of me and my baby very well. They kept us safe.
I will be doing more posts on how things could of been different for me and how it was with my second baby but I would love to hear your stories? Was your experience similar to mine? Was it different?
*Freya Kate Alexander was born at 4.25am on the 30th November 2016. She is a beautiful girl. She has changed me as a person, for the better and I will always be great-full for that. She has taught me how to be MUM. A job I love.