Sex After Baby

Updated: Nov 25, 2020

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Sometimes I feel people are afraid to talk about one of the most natural things known to us as humans. So many questions about it. The hot topic that everyone wants to know about but dares not to ask. Well, I want to talk about it and maybe you would like to know?

What I want to write about in particular is going back to a ‘normal’ sex life after you have a baby. Kicking off with the first-time having sex with your partner after giving birth. There are many things to consider here so let’s start with mum. One bit of advice I would give you is not to feel like you HAVE to have sex in any particular time frame. You need to make sure you have physically and mental healed before you are ready to be intimate. Yes, I have taken into consideration the partner when I say that, but an understanding partner should have no problem waiting until you feel comfortable again. Include them in how you are feeling, talk to each other, explain your worries. This way they are on the same page as you and can support you. Depending on how your baby’s birth was, and your healing journey sex can be daunting to even talk about. You are not alone when it comes to this. It is totally normal to not want to have sex after having a baby. I waited until after my six week check to even bare the thought.

A lot of women ask if it will hurt, again this depends on how you birthed your baby but from my experience it did not necessarily hurt but it felt a bit tender. Just ask your partner to be gentle until you are sure you are okay.  I remember hearing once about a lady who got pregnant again a couple of weeks after giving birth and I will be honest; I was worried that I was not ‘normal’ that I should be having sex again but wasn’t. I have since learned that everyone is different. Every relationship, person, birth and partners are different. What I want to get across is to just remember only do it when you are ready not because someone else said you should be!

Then we move on to the long-term sex after baby and my word it may never be the same as before, but it is what you make it. Do you remember the early days? The ‘can’t keep your hands off each other’ days? The days that just consisted of sex (and food, don’t forget the food!). Well, I am not saying these days are gone but we have just had to put them on hold for a while (while meaning a few years!) Your sexual relationship with your partner without a doubt changes after you have a baby, or two. Again, you are not alone in this! When you are both running around like mad hatters all day after your kids, cleaning, talking, changing, cooking, singing, minding, teaching. Not even including the food that must be prepared, messes to be cleaned up and bums that need wiping you may not exactly be in the ‘mood’ for rompy pompy (no idea if that is even a term used for sex!) Also, you may not even feel sexy.

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Again, everyone is different. I have friends that mange sex more than twice a week and some that manage twice a month. It all totally depends on how you are your partners day goes! What I have learned is time does help. As the children grow, we are starting to find more time for each other. We are starting to be a bit riskier and noticing each other a lot more. We have realised that sex does not have to be structed and does not have just be in our bed – (for my co-sleeping mamas). I also found that the early days just revolved around the kids and if we could fit sex in then it was a bonus. Its totally normal for it to be that way. You both grow together, raising a family (can be so hard at times) and the love is still there for each other sex will always be on the cards. How often, how many times, where, when etc is up to you and your partners pace. Try and communicate as much as possible. Its so easy to think that the other person does not think of you sometimes as there is so much going on. So, voice how you a feeling.

One thing I will say is flirting means something. If you have not found the time together remember a little bum slap, a loving glance or even little ‘I love you’ whispered can really make someone’s day. Making someone feel loved and wanted is so important in relationships so if you can not show them in the bedroom show them other ways.

I hope I have helped you feel more comfortable about this topic and given you someone to relate to.

Thanks for reading x

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